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Dear Fellow Athlete, |
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11-10-2007, 08:25 PM
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, "If you don't do the following, your husband will lose his will to live and surely die."
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work. For dinner, fix especially nice meals selected from his favorite foods and don't burden him with household chores or problems. Make love with him several times a week and satisfy his every sexual whim. On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her. She replied, "You're going to die." 
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11-10-2007, 08:25 PM
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A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
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11-10-2007, 08:26 PM
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A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic
surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said: " Yes, I can put you right." After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel. The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells: "You bastard, you gave me a woman's ears." "Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's." "You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"
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11-10-2007, 08:28 PM
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A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'".
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11-10-2007, 08:32 PM
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A guy tells his psychiatrist: It was terrible. I was away on business, and I wired my wife that I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don't get it. How could she do this to me? "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn't get your telegram."
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11-10-2007, 08:33 PM
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One night at a club little red riding hood and the big bad wolf were getting their groove on. After hours of dancing and leading eachother on, they went back to his place. He asked her "come on please just let me stick it in." Little Red Riding hood replied 'Stick to to the story and EAT ME!
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11-10-2007, 08:46 PM
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Nine Things You Can Do In The Gym To Mess With People's Minds
Going to the gym should be fun! Are you stuck in a rut? Try a few of these psychological mind games and enjoy the confusion of everyone around you. It's just like facing the wrong way in an elevator and looking at the other people instead of the ceiling or wall. 1. Fill an old vodka bottle with water and use it during a workout. People will wonder if that's "your secret weapon" to great results! 2. Wear a helmet. I think you'll find that people will give you a lot more room when you're lifting when you walk in with head protection (especially when you do overhead exercises!). 3. Pick up the 2-pound nose-itcher dumbells and proceed to lift them like you're doing the hardest set in your life. Scream and strain like you're pushing it to the limit. The larger you are, the more effective this one will be. 4. Do actual squats in the squat rack. You may have to wait for a few people to finish their barbell curls but the strange looks you get when you start squatting in the squat rack will be well worth it. 5. Wear an electric ab-training belt with an extension cord duct-taped to it. Plug yourself in just before each set. 6. Count your reps out loud starting from 100, e.g. your first rep, say "101", then "102", etc. 7. Bring a suitcase to the gym instead of a duffel bag. The little rolling ones with the pop-up handles are good. Also, a really huge one that you can fit a person comfortably in will work. 8. Do a set of Rolling Dumbell One-Arm Handstand Push-Ups. Or Turkish Get-Ups. Or Triceps Extensions on the Leg Press Machine. 9. Use sandwich bags instead of workout gloves.
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11-10-2007, 08:59 PM
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The Queen of England was visiting some of the USA's top hospitals, and during her tours of one of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my God", said the queen, "that's disgraceful, what's the purpose of this?" The doctor replied, "That man is a body builder who is taking special treatment to build up his testosterone levels after a cycle. As a result his testicles fill up with semen very rapidly. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and the man would die instantly." "Oh, I'm sorry", said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex. "Oh my God", said the Queen,
"what's happening in there?" The doctor replied, "same problem, better health plan."
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